What does it mean to be a stepmom? "A step parent only becomes a step parent upon marriage to one of the biological parents." I wish I could rename that
word, so does my step daughter. It is sooooo......Cinderella and the wicked stepmother image to us hahaha. If you could rename it what would you call it? Maybe I would call it like the second women or something haha ANYTHING but wicked step mother LOL!
When I was dating in my late twenties I swore I would never date anyone who had children. I just felt at the time it was too much baggage, too much complication, too much drama. The word stepmother was nothing I wanted to be apart of. I had dated a few guys with children, and I just felt like it was not a good fit.
When I met my husband, I learned he had a daughter. I quickly retreated and immediately thought..."Oh well, I really liked him, but this is not going to work out." Time went on and I couldn't seem to stay away. His daughter lived in another state, so I took the chance to go meet her one weekend for her birthday, she was turning 4.
I learned his little girl's name was Olivia. I had no idea what an impact she would make on me. At first I was so worried about liking her but that quickly turned into, I hope she likes ME! Her innocence, her love, her little BEAUTIFUL features, her ability to just see me for me was so simple and the cool thing was my ability to see her for just her was just as simple. She was NOT baggage, she was NOT drama, she was NOT complicated. She was the most precious thing I had ever seen and the only thought I walked away with that weekend was....I wish she were mine.
Everybody's situation is so different. I realize as time went on, our situation has been very unique in many ways. One major difference is that Olivia lives in another state with her mom's mother and her Aunt. Without getting too much into the history and her personal life, she lives in another state because everything about Olivia and her Grandma and my husband's situation has ALWAYS been what is best for OLIVIA! It was never about our needs, or what looks better in society's eyes or what would get back at someone. But truly truly what was best for Olivia.
I was in no way ever trying to take the place of her mother. I never tried to control the situation by thinking we could do a better job and she belonged with us. I never tried to force the issue on my husband of uprooting this happy little girl in the environment she was persevering in. I am not going to lie...all these thoughts had crossed my mind many times. As time went on I didn't want to leave her when we visited her or have her leave our house when she was here. It became harder and harder for all of us. But instead of pursuing our needs, we put hers first.
Oliva has taught me more about adaptability, living in the moment, and persevering at age 4 until this very day at age 17 than I could ever teach myself. She has paved the way in teaching me about motherhood in so many ways.
All children need role models, positivity, stability, and love coming from the right places. When it comes to children whose lives are divided by two separate families, WE have to be the adults, we have to show them there is enough love in whatever the circumstance is. It is NOT about us! I have seen so many wars within divorced families and what their children go through. It is not easy.
I would give my right arm to have Olivia live with us, but I know she is always within our hearts and a phone call away. We love her with all our hearts. We know that she knows this and we know she loves us the same. There's a bond, because we created one with true love and stability.
I know it does not always work out as peacefully for all families. I cannot help to ask myself why? Whatever side you are on, or whatever bitter grudge you may have, I wish everyone could just put it aside and show positivity. People would be surprised on how much better they would feel as an individual to make a positive difference in a child's life. Step children or not.
One of my clients from when I worked behind the chair at the salon gave me advice a long time ago and I still remember it. She said, " love her as if she were your own, and discipline her as if she were your own." That is exactly what I did and do!
"The more you give away from your heart, the happier you''ll become."
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Always Thankful, Katie